Oh my God! So Ann calls me a bad back seat driver. I am nothing compared to Josh. Last night, we biked up to Sissy's house for dinner (Mom and Audrey drove). We have one of those old school bike seats where the seat just sits above the back tire. So I get to hear Josh bark commands into my ears, feel him 'check me for sweat', feel him hit...er I mean urge me on like a jockey whipping a thoroughbred (did I just call myself a thoroughbred?! I guess I can do that, it's my blog).
The ride to Sissy's is probably about 4 miles...if that. I'm not even sure. But basically the last mile is up a 'bigggg hillll' as Josh likes to call it. So we started out biking over there, and I realized I put on the wrong shorts. Why were they wrong? Well, they were a pair of 'tennis shorts' I had that were short/medium length but very light material and they blew up as I biked. So it looked like I was biking over to Sissy's in a pair of Speedos. Since I wasn't in the mood to show off in Speedos, I was biking 'pretty slow'. Josh was quick to comment...'Going slow Daddy?!' I told him I had the wrong shorts on but that didn't stop him from responding, 'Fast down hill'. Josh has learned (a while ago) his uphill and downhill, and as we hit the top of a hill, he made sure to inform me that we were supposed to be going fast. I said screw it and went fast for Josh...I think it's safe to say that no Playgirl agents are going to be knocking down our door.
So we get to the bottom of the hill by Westfire Bar and Grill. I do my best not to 'flash' the customers eating on the patio seats and blow through a stop sign - of course I looked before doing so. Although, you would think I was a felon on the run now...Josh exclaims "Daddy, why didn't you stop!!?? Red means stop!" I tried the explanation of "stop signs with white borders are 'optional'"...but Josh, not knowing what a border is, quickly reminded me "Red means STOP!". I thought the kid was having a nervous break down. I don't know when he got so obsessed about driving rules, but I told him I'd stop at the next one ;).
After he recovered from that first trauma, we slowly climbed up the first hill, about half way to Sissy's. Again, Josh was 'concerned' with our pace.
"Daddy sweating?"
"Yeah, I'm sweating. It's hot out and we are going up hill. It's hard," I explained.
"Go faster Daddy!" as he starts smacking my back like he's playing the bongo drums.
So I pick up the pace a bit. We come up to the Highway 14 junction and I want to say for the record that the light was GREEN. I went through the light and again Josh loses it yelling that I didn't stop for the red light. I don't know where he saw a red light because it was green in my book. I had to go through 3-4 stoplights all of which were green, all of which Josh just about crapped himself in concern. I swear he almost busted out "Go through red lights and die" phrase on me ;) Well we made it through alive, but were coming up to the big hill. As I slowly made my way up the hill - I need to stop here to defend myself a bit. The thing that sucks about riding with the old school bike seats, is that I can't stand up and pedal/pump otherwise Josh gets major whiplash. So I have to just sit on the bike and use all quad muscles instead of weight and gravity. There I feel better... Anyway, Josh gets on a roll now. Car are passing us...
"Daddy go slow. Cars go fast. Daddy go fast!" with a 'reassuring' smack on the back. Then we see some kid (11'ish) biking across the street, standing up pedaling like the Tour de France trying beat me and Josh. That was it, I drew the line at an 11 yr old challenging my 'manhood'. Josh even noticed. "She biking too!" (did I mention 11yr old girl?) "She biking fast."
"Want to go faster?!" I took the smack to the back as a 'yes'. I wasn't about to let some little girl beat me...I thought about how nice it'd be to have some blood doping going on right now ;) j/k. Anyway, I started pedalling a bit faster and passed the girl. Josh excitedly taunted her...
"I go fast! I go fast!" I?? I didn't have time to argue I was in the middle of a do or die race! The girl heard Josh and started pedalling faster too. Ok, it's on now!
Let's just say this, I didn't resort to giving Josh whiplash, and we still kicked her butt! Josh and I high fived as we got off the bike at Sissy's.
"Daddy...are you sweating?"
"What do you think!?"
"Daddy, sweating...super hot! It's hard uphill..."