So those of you that haven't been around to witness it, Audrey is a walking disaster. Not that she's clumsy or hyper...in reality the exact opposite. I think she is truly coordinated for her age...much more so than Josh was at her age (and beyond). The problem is she's so damn feisty (contrary to what most of her pictures show) and she insists on doing whatever Josh is doing and take it to a more extreme level!

It's getting to the point where it is almost embarrassing walking around with her with all the bruises, cuts, blood etc. A logical person can only deduce one of two things: a) her parents beat the hell out of her or b) she fell out the back of a bus and bounced along the highway for a few hundred yards. I'll highlight some of her more recent activities...er accidents or near accidents. And if my descriptions aren't enough, you can simply ask Audrey where her owies are, and she'll painstakingly point out each and every scratch or bruise on her body (in and of itself very entertaining).

1) It all started with the picnic table...many of you have laughed at Joshua's sweet dancing moves video, but what you may have missed is that I had to cut Josh's dance fever short because Audrey begins to scale the play picnic table that was up against the deck ledge. Not only does she like to climb this to push our buttons, but she gets to top and gives you her smirk-y smile as she starts running in place as if doing a victory dance. It's too damn cute to get made at her and after the 100th time of taking her off it, we've given up and just let her get up there and 'table dance' to her heart's content. Although, Dad almost had a heart attack the other day. Josh, Audrey and I were alone for the weekend and I was quickly gathering up stuff as we were about to get into the car. I was letting the kids play on the deck/kitchen as I did my last couple minutes of work around the house. I ran downstairs to get something when I heard Josh screaming in a panicked voice AUDREY'S OFF THE TABLE! At that moment time froze as several things ran though my mind. First, let me preface this with the fact that Audrey can push/move the table around where ever she wants it. Second, Josh rarely if ever 'screams something in panic' so I thought he was truly scared. Thirdly, before this yell, I could clearly hear both kids laughing and yelling, now I heard nothing. Finally, my only conclusion was that Audrey climbed up the table, over railing of deck and fell down the the rocks/brick below. I raced upstairs and as I was getting to top of the steps where I could see our deck, neither Audrey or the picnic table were in sight and there was no sound from the deck as Josh just stood at the top of the steps looking towards the deck...this only confirmed my horrible belief that Audrey had plunged over the railing. It seemed like forever to run ten feet from top of steps to deck door, but when I got there I was utterly relieved to see Audrey crouched in the corner smiling up at me...and she was only playing with the power outlets figuring out how to open them and figuring out what she could stick in there...phew that was close! (ask me about Josh, outlets, and mini screw drivers some day)

2) Continuing with the climbing stage, if there is something 'bigger' than Audrey, she has to climb it! Give her five seconds, and she'll pull out a chair from our dining table and do her best Cliff Hanger impression. She'll stand on her tippy toes (what's new) and grab the table, then start to climb up the chair with her feet, only to realize she's climbed herself into a hole. Imagine those pictures of Free Climbers who get to a ledge like this (ok maybe not this extreme)...well that is how Audrey end's up a lot...especially when she's hungry and is trying to scale the table for something to eat before we get her plate ready ;) There have been more occasions that I care to admit where I'll hear Audrey's little feet doing her victory dance, I'll come rushing out and she's bursting with pride as she dances on top of the table after conquering the 'mountain' yet again.

3) To finalize the near misses, as I mentioned...Audrey just loves to out do Josh. When she sees him do something, first she terrorizes him by 'getting him off' the current toy by one means or another, any attempts at pinching or biting always received stern yells from Dad which of course immediately she turns on the tears and her baby blues all welled up makes me feel so ashamed for yelling at her ;) My God she's gonna be a handful :) Anyway, almost all biting attempts have left her arsenal but she still has her ways. Anyway, when Audrey was barely as tall as the seat of our rocking horse, Josh was riding on it and Audrey wanted on. This was one of the times (and surprisingly/pleasantly it is more often than not) that Josh got off to let Audrey play with the toy...Audrey 'chirped' her 'Thanks'...'anks!' (Doesn't sound anything like thanks to 'outsiders', but it is a common word from Audrey thankfully). So Audrey starts to scale the rocking horse...Ann and I heard the exchange from Josh about letting her play with the rocking horse so we took a break from cleaning up after dinner and peeked around the corner. Audrey was struggling with the concept that the rocking horse wasn't as stable as a picnic table or chair, but she managed to somehow get a leg thrown over the top and eventually pulled herself up to her knees. Now this is where the average kid figures out how to sit down and rock on the horse...especially after just watching Josh do it the right way. Do you think that's enough for Audrey?! Hell no, she transitions from her knees to her feet all the while not too happy about battling the stability of the horse. I should let you know that the seat of the horse is probably 3 or 4 inches wide, but Audrey maneuvering in tight spaces is nothing we haven't seen before...she finally gets her toes on the edge of the horse with her heals hanging off like a diver preparing to dive, her little butt raises in the air and in a flash, she thrust up into the standing position, hands waving in the air for balance as if she was a gymnast nailing a vault or something! At this point, I was convinced she'd accomplished enough and was about to run out there to get her off the horse since she was half on and half off, but as I took a step, Audrey did a pirouette so she was facing Josh, her feet became stable and then she proceeded to rock the horse with her feet while laughing/smirking at Josh as if to say...'Whatever you can do I can do better!' At this point, I figured it wasn't going to end well, so I ran over there and grabbed her...another black eye averted!

4) Dancing Queen Takes a Face Plant...so I wasn't there to witness it, so will only provide the facts as I know them ;) Ann was in Morris with the kids and went on a wagon ride with them. As they came upon this house, Ann realized that 'Cujo' was unleashed and froze for a second to try and figure out what to do. Now, two member of this story took immediate action at this moment. Cujo, saw two little pork chops sitting in the wagon and decided to immediately charge while simultaneously Audrey decided it was time to stand up in the wagon and start her victory dance...you can imagine the outcome of this. Well, as Cujo closed in, Ann panicked and pulled the wagon not realizing Audrey was in full dance mode...as Cujo peeled off his attack, Audrey tumbled over the wagon ledge down to the street landing squarely on her face (you'll notice that Audrey has been cushioning falls with her face). This picture shows the bruise beginning to form only minutes after the wipeout/icing and it became much worse but we didn't take any more pictures as we didn't want S.S. to have evidence against us.

5) Showing off for the contractors...again, I wasn't there to witness this one either, but I can only imagine. A couple weeks ago we had some contractors come in to do some work on our front door and Audrey being her exhibitionist self was showing off for the workers. She was running in and out of the door and up and down the step to the sidewalk. Well, she was too busy beaming her smile at 'the guys' instead of watching where the step for the sidewalk was and did a 'swan dive' off the step/entry down to the sidewalk and again used her face as the primary cushion to soften the blow.

6) If at first you don't succeed...so about 3 or 4 days after her accident around the contractors, it was the weekend and Grandma and Grandpa were down for the weekend and offerred us a night away from the kids and we quickly agreed (since it was probably about the 3rd or 4th night we've had away from Josh and Audrey since Audrey was born). We didn't warn G&G how quick things can turn from good to bad with Audrey and her daringness. By now, her original wipe out was scabbing over and most of the bruising had gone away, but Audrey was not satisfied with her 'Badge of Braveness' on her face and decided it was time to see if she could improve on it. She took advantage of a momentary lapse from G&G and quickly climbed up on top of one of her toys (about 10" in diameter and 24" tall) and was balancing on top figuring out the best way to 'jump' down...should she jump for the Thomas the Train table which she knows how to get up and down from or make the jump straight down to the carpet? Decisions, decisions. Well, Audrey opted for the 24" plunge to the carpet. With this being Audrey's first unassisted jump, you can only imagine how smooth the landing was...at least she had her face and scabs to cushion it! I don't know how bad the aftermath was, but I was told in great detail from Josh (in his own version) about how bloody it was and how much Audrey cried...she had indeed ripped off all the scabs from her first accident, bled all over her PJs...I think she was finally satisfied with the outcome/scarring on her face! Just kidding...no scars, everything is almost healed up now and she's looking cute as ever.

7) Final two stories combined into one as I'm sure you are getting the point. Last Sunday evening we went to 'Nick's Park' (Josh and Audrey's cousin probably didn't even know he 'owned' a park but in Josh's eyes he does!). We were all playing and having a good time until Audrey decided she had to climb what Josh was climbing. She started up the steps and came to the first large step...she grabbed the railing to her right with her left hand which was crossing her up. I was there watching but it still looked innocent enough. As she attempted to step up, her foot slipped off and the way her hand and her remaing foot were, it caused her to pivot/swing towards the playset having a 'square edge' smack her along side her face. So then last night as we were going to the Library, I noticed the full bruising of this accident and it looked like I put her head on a tee and took a couple hacks at it with a golf club with her bruise stretching from her jaw up to her eye. Ann and I kind of laughed about how 'bad' she looked as if we were going to town on her or something. No later than 30 seconds later on, walking through the skyway to the library...er should I saw running, Audrey had another wipe out, of which I'm a bit ashamed to say is partly my fault. Josh had taken off in his 'arm pumping trot' across the skyway and Audrey was eager to keep up. So she was running along and I started to egg her on telling her to run faster, which of course she was happy to oblige and she started laughing and high stepping more and more only to 'clip' her feet together and sprawl out in the air :(. I saw the whole wipe out in slow motion...the first 'bounce' on the ground eliminated her arms as possible braces as the force of the dive made her arms fold into her sides allowing the second 'bounce' to be absorbed by her mouth/face...ouch! When she came up, blood was running out of her mouth and she was in hysterics. I held her for a couple seconds then asked, 'Do you want to run again?'...through all the tears and the blood, she let out and exasperated 'YEAH!' (any of those who have seen Audrey lately know how funny she says this), so I set her down and she was off and running again :)

I'll conclude with a couple of 'happy' notes about Audrey though, she has recently starting a kissing frenzy :) It's of course the best thing ever to be 'kissed' - and or licked ;) - by your daughter at this age, but what is really funny is what she does with her doll. She'll walk around for 10-15 minutes hugging and kissing the thing...bringing the baby's lips up to hers and giving them a big 'smack' then returning the baby to her hip as she walks for a bit and repeats...I swear she's doing the exact same thing she see's Ann doing to her...walking around all day loving up on her. It's pretty funny. What's also funny is when she does something to 'bad' to Josh and I make her kiss him. It always makes me laugh for several reasons...a) first because it is so damn cute, b) you can almost see the remorse in Audrey as she leans in for the kiss to make everything better and c) because it brings back memories of when me and my sister would fight and I would have to kiss her...omg did I hate that, as I'm sure Victoria did too. Luckily Josh likes to kiss Audrey so they don't find it as too much of a punishment :) They do play so well together the vast majority of the time!

Finally, Audrey has added another word to her 6 word vocabulary and it's her brother's name! She just started it a couple days ago and repeats over and over in her cute feminine voice, Yosh, Yosh, Yosh :) So now we have 1) Momma, 2) Josh, 3) Thanks, 4) Bubbles, 5) Hi, and 6) Baby...now we just need to get Daddy and I'll be happy!